secretsbby

there, even changed the default to a picture of myself from one of my modeling pictures :)

i love and care about everyone on here; i want to help

i am now a personal trainer for my best friend who was struggling with the same problems
and shes doing so well and incredible; it makes me feel really great about helping people

So lets see
I have not been on here for almost a whole year
and im happy to say im doing WONDERFUL
being anorexic/bulimic and all of the above is such a horrible, mentally destroying thing to do to yourself
i was losing my personality, my self esteem, my confidence, my focus, becoming kind of depressed, not only that but i was "skinny-fat", no matter that the number dropped my face and body were still a weird chubby bloated.
Which i soon learned is because when you starve yourself for a long time your body eats away at your muscle, and saves and stores every bit of food that you eat instead.

I got a personal trainer a little while back, started working out 4 days a week with him for an hour to an hour and a half, working out different large muscle groups on different days.
Then he put me on a meal plan that i thought was INSANITY; the plan had me eating six small meals a day which totalled 1200calories a day

Well, it definitely was not insanity because i look at myself today and i weigh under 130, like 125-129 or so (a number i could never get down to with the eating rollercoaster)
im fit, im healthy, i have the most awesome 4 pack -6 pack(still getting there) my body loves me and i love my body, its my temple, im the thin i always wanted to be, i have my personality, i have my friends, im doing well in school, i have my CONFIDENCE and my self esteem back

Ive just started modeling, and love every second of it. And everything I've done to help myself get out of that horrible phase that takes you nowhere but on an up and down shit ride.


I'm not posting this to upset anyone, but maybe for people to relate; to inspire. If anything I know you would never wish what you do to yourself on anyone else, as did i. I used to be here too, I did that for two years and all it does is hurt you.

If you want my myspace to see for yourself, or to talk or anything at all go ahead and respond :)!

I've "come back" like a thousand times haha
so lets see if I actually come back THIS time.
My stats are the same as they were in my last entry
in August. So nothing to really post yet.

I want to get back into counting calories and whatnot.
I live with my boyfriend now so it's hard to watch what
I eat, he makes me so happy and we have so much fun
together that I dont really care about the food im
eating until wayyy later when im stuffed, bloated, and
hating myself.

Luckily for me though I havent gained since August, so
yea :) I'm 134, 5'8", I want to be 125, which is 9 pounds.
I think I'll be good after that :)
I dunno how girls that are 5'8" can be 90-110pounds, its
not pretty.... i take that back. It might be pretty :)

I ate today, so i'll start keeping track tomorrow :)

So I woke up today after my wonderfully successful yesterday and here are my stats:

UPDATE!:
Height: 5'8" 1/2
CurrentW: 133
HighestW: 182
LowestW: 127
1st Goal: 130
2nd & Main Goal: 127

:) We'll go from there depending on how I look at 127.

I'll be working out again today too :D And so far I havent eaten anything but its only 11:45am so yea

Today was such a successful day! Lets seeeee:

I got up at 6:20am, went to my college classes of the day, got out at 11:20, went home, my friend came over and helped me fix the blonde in my hair, then I went to 24hr. Fitness and worked out for two and a half hours :D

Intake:
Medium French Fries from Burger King: 360 cals
Water: 0 cals

Work Out:
Pilates :
Spinning :890 cals burned
Abdominals :

530 extra calories burned and if I do decide to hurt this at all it will be on Beer! haha that new miller genuine draft light beer thats only 64 calories for a whole thing of it, woot! :D

Anyways, its only 7:35 so we'll see if i can go until tomorrow without eating anything and stuff :) I have high hopes.


sstt<3

And im coming back on :D woohooo

I can't give any stats because I have no scale (I moved out, it was my moms scale) so i'm not exactly sure as to how fat ive become but im sure its not pretty. I think i gained a bit of weight back when I moved out, living on your own, having to buy your own food, then HAVING to eat it because you dont want it to go bad because you spent your own money on it was a big part of it haha but once i get back into this routine i'll be buying a lot less food and everything at the lowest calories i can find. Another big part was that my boyfriend came to visit and stayed with me for two weeks and all we did was eat, blegh! That fucking boy is to skinny! OH! and ALSO its because for the last two weeks ive been drinking A LOT, and a beer belly i feel ive grown! When I left LJ i was doing great staying between 130-135, im pretty sure i may be back to 140-145, if im 145 my heart will break, that would suck so bad. Anyways, when I get a scale I'll post my updated stats and shit and for now I suppose I'll start off with what I've eaten today just to show everyone what a piggy I am :( ::

Cals:
Grilled Veggie Burrito from Baja Fresh: 650 cals (I didnt finish it but im just going to say 800 so its more of an incentive to not eat so much)
The chips from Baja Fresh: 150 cals
Lots of Water!!: 0 cals
2 low fat blueberry fig newton things: 70each, 140 cals

Total: 940 calories


Wow.
Yea I know dude.

Tomorrow will be much better, im going to try and stick to under 200 calories, AND i'm starting a 7 day trial at 24hr. Fitness, and after the trials over im going to join :D so yay!!!!!


wish me luck :D

prom is next next weekend D:
i need to get back to this shit so i fit into my fucking amazing dress
im 135 now
my goal is 125
i'll settle for 127-130 though
i need to work out!!
gah
good luck to everyone else on here with a prom coming up :D

so not exactly a zero cal day like i was hoping for but its hard to get back on track so im not upset

so far under 200 cals and its 5:46pm so im not worried :)
stay strong!

I'm starting this shit up again because i need to get back on track with ana, i hate mia and that ended as of last week, im not throwing up anymore fuck that its disgusting and it wastes food that could otherwise be eaten by others... its so hard now that my body knows it has an alternative. whatever. im so much stronger than that, i just need to gain my self control back.

lets make you all proud and start off with a 0 cal day, i know i can do it if i really try.


wish me luck!!

wowwwwwwwwwwwwwwwww
i havent been on here for a whole month O.o
thats a good thing i suppose
i'm still 130 but i actually really like myself at this weight so im not really looking to lose
I still fuss over my weight when i feel i've overeaten, and when ive gained but thats normal? haha oh well
im happy
:)
i probably wont be on here a lot just because i told myself when this first began that I wouldnt get out of control and that i was only doing it to lose weight then I would stop, and I have... for the most part :)
I'm a very strong person and not worried whatsoever

good luck to everyone else :)

MY STATS:

Height: 5'8"
Weight: 130
HighestW: 182
LowestW: 127
Goal: None

Good Riddans baby ;P

I'm back up to 135 thanks to the munchies binging every day for the last week, blegh, sorry 130 pound self i'll get you back dont worry :(

I'm in a really shitty mood today just because I felt as though I looked really fat and disgusting this morning and the people around me werent making it any better. My best friend doesnt know how to make people feel better so instead of trying to talk to me and cheer me up.. she stays quiet and eventually abandons me for other people. Fantastic. That makes me feel sooooo much better, to be abandoned by my "friends".

On a plus note, I went into the bathroom during 4th period at school today and I didnt look SO terrible, but i'm still disgusted by my munchies binge last night, and what made it even worse was eating this vegan cashew crunch thing with orange juice in the morning, which made me feel full and disgusting. I feel as though if I didnt eat that this morning then I wouldnt feel this way but eh, who knows?

9 pounds away from my final goal weight
I cant wait to say thank you and good riddans to ana and this crap i put myself through
yayyy

I'm going to a maud (mod, ?) party in Palm Springs at Frank Sinatras house and I dont have any outfits that fit me. Recently everyones been on my case about the weight loss (i went from 180 to 135) and its just been getting on my nerves. But thanks to this party and owning nothing to wear for this party (formal black and white) my younger sister suggested i wear her graduation dress from like 8th grade lol sooooo long ago! anyways i tried it on and i ALMOST fit in it, which is awesome, but it doesnt zip up all the way, so i suggested to them that im going to have to lose more weight to fit into the dress by next month and they agreed. yay! now they're on my side about losing more weight, i mean, at least until this party passes.


<3

I'm 13 pounds away from my goal weight

I hate myself so much right now...

BMI Categories:

Underweight = <18.5
Normal weight = 18.5-24.9
Overweight = 25-29.9
Obesity = BMI of 30 or greater

My height: 5'8"
my weighgt: 135
my BMI: 20.5

To be at 18.5 I have to be 122 pounds
so thats my new main goal
once i reach 122 im done.

Wow long time no update...

OLD:
current:145
height:5'8"1/2
highest:182
lowest:110
main goal: 120
first goal: 140
second goal: 130

RECENT (NOW):
current: 135
height: 5'8"1/2
highest: 182
lowest: 110
first goal: 140
second goal: 130
main goal: 122


:))

Yesterday I fasted, weighed myself this morning and no difference :(
Today so far:

1 Vegan Waffle: 94.5 cals
Glass of Water: 0 cals
Half an Oreo: 26.2 cals

I'm allowing myself 200 for today

total : 120.7

:)

Thanks to the fact that im Vegan, for the past two weeks that ive been pigging out with the munchies and whatnot, my weight hasnt been affected, ive stayed at a constant 145, and ive been eating ALOT
so yay

But I really am ready to continue losing again
...
unless i get stoned again tomorrow hahaha
no really though

current:145
height:5'8"1/2
highest:182
lowest:110
main goal: 120
first goal: 140
second goal: 130